A few years ago, while working in a busy office, I sparked something of a controversy when I announced that I was engaged. All of my colleagues automatically congratulated me, of course. But soon the debate began. Is marriage a path to boredom and misery, particularly in the bedroom department?
Newspapers tell us it is. Last year, the Daily Mail printed an article stating that married people find sex boring and would rather read a book. In fact, they included list of reasons given for avoiding it. All of which, I shall now refute.
No 1. Too tired. I admit, I have given this reason once or twice myself but always after a particularly rough day. But if you’re that tired on a daily basis then your problems possibly stretch beyond your sex life. Perhaps something to look into.
No. 2 Stress at work. I used to work in an office and there were very stressful days. Do you know what the best thing for relieving that stress was? Sex. Same response to No. 7 I have too much on my mind and No. 8 I have a headache.
No. 3 I don’t feel attractive and No. 6 Not confident in my body are surely the same thing worded differently? Once again, I really do think the solution to this problem is actually the thing being avoided, which perhaps creates a vicious circle. I tend to have a very low opinion of my appearance but a little attention from my husband always does the trick and makes me feel a whole lot better.
No. 4 It’s too hot. If it’s too hot, surely you’d be more comfortable naked?
No. 5 I want to read my book. I can’t think of a response to this beyond “Really?” I simply have no comprehension of this. Oh, and before someone mentions that book, and we all know which book, or rather trilogy of books I mean, I have only this to say: Put it down and try living out your fantasies with an actual human being, rather than in your imagination. Much more fun that way, trust me.
No. 9 I have neck or back pain. Ask partner for a neck/back rub. It could well lead to saucy thrills. Of course, if you have an actual medical issue with your back or neck then that’s a different matter.
No. 10 It’s too “the same” every time and no. 15 Sometimes it bores me are pretty much the same thing (really showing the quality of this study, eh?). Very simply, do something different. There are plenty of options.
No. 11 I don’t really enjoy it anymore. Again, perhaps try something different. If not, in all seriousness perhaps you should actually see a doctor because this can be a sign of a medical problem.
No. 12 I’m too full from dinner. Eat less, shag more. Simple.
No. 13 It’s too cold. The solution seems so glaringly obvious that I’m not even going to say it.
No. 14 I don’t have enough time. I simply don’t believe you. You’re telling me you don’t have half an hour to spare for sex with the person that you chose to spend the rest of your life with? Consider that you’re spending time on the wrong things.
No. 16 I want to watch sport. If anyone out there actually prefers watching sport to sex, get in touch because I reckon I’m more likely to meet Bigfoot in Tesco than ever have substantial proof of your existence.
No. 17 I want to watch a film. Is it about to be burned by religious extremists? If not, it can wait.
No. 18. I have too much household stuff to do. So do you spend every moment of the evening doing this household stuff? No, I didn’t think so.
No. 19 I am not attracted to my partner. I’m assuming you must have found them pretty attractive when you married them. Unless they’ve changed their appearance pretty dramatically, I don’t really comprehend how you’ve just changed your mind.
No. 20 I don’t think my partner deserves it. It’s sex, not a Nobel prize.
So there you have it. Married people can, and certainly do, have sex and plenty of it.